Books:

Birthing from Within

Active Birth

The official Lamaze Guide: Giving birth with confidence

Chiropractor that had special pregnancy knowledge. I used her towards the end of my pregnancy when I had pain in my hip joint area.

Prenatal Yoga class with other pregnant women

Are you going to pay the midwife even though she didnt make it to the birth? Ofcourse! The midwife’s care is not just during the birth, but also all the prenatal care. Using a home midwife our care was not only physical but also emotional. She heard my fears and doubts as well as my hopes for the birth. I used the book “Birthin from within” to guide me through this process, I believe it is the reason why the birth went so well. Hopefully the insurance will cover it, we are still waiting on that.

Why couldn’t you reach the midwife? I didnt take down her cell phone number! It was on my to-do list and I never got to it. I did have her office number that in the past had a message with her cell phone number, but that night it didnt. The answering machine had reset itself and had a default message.

Why did you choose a home birth? It sounds so scary. I may sound scary at first, but after a little research the hospital is the place that sounds scary. The cesarean rate in hospitals is usually between 30 and 40%, for my midwife it is 5%. In hospital in USA the use of pain medication is about 70%, for my midwife it is again 5%. “The official Lamaze Guide” states only 1% of women in a study gave birth naturally and none of those women gave birth in a hospital. I wanted a natural birth!

My first birth was a hospital birth and the main difference between the two is that for my second birth I prepared myself. I read a few books, took prenatal yoga and improved my diet and excersice. I think the mentality today is that at the hospital they’ll take care of you and deliver a healthy baby, you really dont have to do much more. This is true, but what is not mentioned is that birth is a very emotional event and if you are unprepared you will probably suffer from a traumatic experience were you will feel powerless, inadequate and very scared. I think this is why the horror stories about birth. My second birth left me feeling empowered and confident in myself as a mother.

As I was preparing for my second birth I realized the intimate nature of birth. It is a time when the women must feel very safe as she is going to deliver a delicate newborn. Being at home and with people you can trust provides the perfect setting for birth. i think this can happen in a hospital too but it will be a lot harder to acheive, meaning you will probably need to prepare more and bring a good support person with you.

One of the first things that come to mind is that when I woke up at 1:20am with a contraction I remember going to the bathroom to empty my bladder and thinking “wow! I don’t remember them starting this strong… Maybe I will need to go to the hospital and get pain medication after all :-D”. It was a pretty funny thought to me and I just went back to bed. When the next contraction came I decided I could not go back to sleep and told David I was going down.

During my preparation process for this birth I read a book called “Active Birth”. It was one of the most helpful books for me and I practiced the yoga exercises daily during the last month. I also made large photocopies of positions and movements to do during birth so I could have them as reference. One of the things mentioned in that book is that if you tilt your uterus forward by leaning slightly on something while standing or kneeling that you help the uterus do the work of opening up. I mention this because that is what David talks about in his story when he says I was tossed around. I would kneel down and lean against the couch or chair. When the contraction was over I would get up feeling very excited and happy to think the baby was coming.

There was a time that I did end up rolling in the floor with pain, and that was when I was overcome with frustration that we were not able to reach the midwife. That was the most painful 5 min of my whole 2 hour-long birth. Luckily I had Kim, my Doula, on the phone and I was able to tell her how upset I was, she listened and I let it go. I am so grateful for her support at that time! I know nobody else could have given it to me at that moment. In fact a few minutes later, when I was feeling fine again, David told me how frustrated he was about it and I was able to listen and it went away for him too! I remember feeling very close to him at this time.

After we were done with the phone calls we were in the living room, what had been prepared to be the birthing room. I was using the couch as support and started feeling nauseous and shaky. I knew from Sarah’s birth that it meant I was in transition. I told David this and that I wanted to get into the pool, he made some comment about it being too early for transition and that I was in too good of a mood! I must say it was hard for me to express myself. I remember things very clearly and I remember being able to think very clearly, but for some reason I didn’t feel like giving much explanation and would just smile at his comments. I found a lot of things very funny

While in the pool it took some time before I could relax. I remember thinking I wanted to behave differently as I was starting to curl and tense my legs. I started thinking about opening up like a flower. I relaxed my legs behind me and started making the noises sometimes referred to as chanting. During this time Sarah was very loving towards me; she rubbed my hair and brought me toys. Between contractions we talked and smiled at each other. She seemed a little worried and I was not able to explain much too her. She really didn’t have a person directly supporting her and maybe that is something I would have done differently.

While in the pool I decided I wanted to feel how dilated I was and I was able to touch the amniotic sac and I was very happy about that, even though at the time didn’t realize that meant I was very dialed and the baby was coming soon! At some point in the water I started pushing at the end of a contraction because they were feeling different. I turned to face upward and emptied my bladder several times - I mention this because it was so convenient to be in the pool and do this! Even though I was pushing a little bit I didn’t think it was really time to push so I didn’t tell David anything about it

After about 15 min in the pool, and that light pushing during 3 contractions, I realized I was frozen. We didn’t do a good job filling the pool up with warm water, so it was kind of cold. I was hoping David would add more warm water but he just said I should get out. So, I did. He helped me out of the pool and was my support during the final contractions until the baby was born. I remember at one point he was holding Sarah in his arms too!

My water broke while I was standing. David put Sarah on the floor and supported me during my next contraction. The baby crowned. Sarah saw this and screamed with terror, very high pitch. David took her to my mother and quickly came back. I had my eyes closed this whole time. It is true that I asked him if he could take out the baby! When she said “No” and I felt an urge to push again I did make use of a loud scream to push, but it wasn’t a scream of pain as much as when athletes make noise when they are doing  a lot of effort. In fact I was a little scared of the pain I would feel when the baby’s head would come out and I was pleasantly surprised not to have felt any pain at all. Once the head was out I squatted and he came out very easily. David held him and I quickly asked for him and for Sarah to be brought back.

I was very happy and very proud of myself. Feelings that lasted most of that day.

A few minutes later Kim arrived. I told her the baby was already here! She was talking about reaching Eileen but I assured her we would not be able to get to her and that maybe we could try Meg, the other home birth midwife. We did and she quickly got back to us. She guided Kim through making sure that everything was OK with me and the baby, and everything was. This time was scary for me and I did some journaling and crying about it in the following days. I think I was not able to fully enjoy the immediate bonding that occurs after birth because I was too busy focusing on getting other things done, like directing people to the things that were needed. But I do have nice memories of me sitting on the couch with Sarah on one side and the baby on the other and both nursing and holding hands while Kim was examining me for tears.

Then we all went upstairs and ate a delicious snack my Mom prepared for us while we talked about the birth and how beautiful the baby was. Then we all went to sleep in our family bed, Sarah, Peter, me and then David. We rested very well. As David predicted, Sarah’s first word after she woke up was “baby!”.

Later on during the day Eileen, the midwife, was able to come and check up on me. One of the most wonderful things she did was to show me my placenta. I had no idea of what a beautiful organ it is! Recently while lying under a tree I saw how it was the same as my placenta, with the trunk being the umbilical cord.

I am so grateful for being able to have a home birth, with the intimacy and freedom that comes along with it. My baby never left my arms except to go greet his Great-grandmother; we did not have to sign any kind of papers when we didn’t chose to give him the Vit. K shot or the eye antibiotics; nobody asked us to watch a video about shaking babies the day he was born; I was given homemade food and never asked to leave my bed; I was cared for by people I love and trust… just to name a few. Truly quality care!

I am also very grateful for the support of my husband - initially he was strongly opposed to the idea and now he doesn’t think he would ever do it any other way. Also for the support of the home birth circle here in Rochester; ICAN; RABN; Diaper Free Baby Moms who encouraged me to look into home birth option again; the midwives Meg and Eileen; the doula Kim; my friend Spring; our neighbours the Kellett family; and to my Mom and my Father-in-law who did a lot of cooking, cleaning and tiding up after the birth.

AMDG

Lord, I am overwhelmed. My search for serenity this day has been filled with false victories. I am weary of the stream of disappointments. My inability to conquer my self-imposed obligations leaves me anxious. I cannot see your grace in the world which I know to be the truth. I am lost in the thorny labyrinth of my mind.

Oh Lord, show me a way out. A way back onto your path for me. That path of service and being a blessing instead of a burden to others. An example of God’s grace instead of an example of self will run riot. To seek to fill other’s needs instead of my own wants.

My God I give myself to you yet again. Break my chains, guide me.

Amen

Easter Morning 2009

Last night I attended a beautiful Easter vigil mass where one of my close friends went through the rights of initiation of the Catholic Church. When I arrived home my wife had thoughtfully prepared a pasta dinner for me and my daughter Sarah to munch on before we went to sleep.

The video is 3 minutes long and there is a brief part where you can hear the baby’s heartbeat. All measurements were normal and healthy.

David & Carlana